That's Life!
by Vividoll
Summary: RobotnikEggman is dead, and all the freedom fighters live in a big house together as roomies! But what happens when an orphaned fox of the two-tailed persuasion arrives, and seems to know Tails?
1. Sonic gives Tails THE TALK

That's Life!

Chapter 1: Tails learns about sx

Welcome to the first chapter of "That's life!" Basically, the freedom fighters have killed Eggman, so they're living in a big house together.

Sonic was sitting in the kitchen. he was already on his ninth cup of espresso, and was feeling even more tense than Kirsty Allie's belt. he was reading the only magazine in the house, "Better Homes Than You Can Afford," and eating a bowl of crunchy surprise and was on an article about bay windows, when Sally came in.

"Sonic." she said, tapping him on the shoulder.

Sonic actually jumped THROUGH the cieling. as a matter of fact, he actually jumped out of his boxers, too.

As he re-entered through the front door, he was picking drywall out of his quills.

"What? Why did you scare me to death?"

"I've been thinking... And..."

"You think we're ready to take our relationship up a notch?" He said.

"NO! I think tails is ready for "The Talk."

"Can you and I give him a demonstation?"

"NO! please, take your mind off your manhoods for a minute, and listen! Tails still believes that crap about the stork! He needs to know. And if you're looking for some action, why not try Amy?"

"Hell, no! She's too young for me! We may be dating, but that's just sick!"

"And this comes from someone currently dating-" She stopped to count. "FIVE different girls?"

"Well it's not like I've (Censored for content) any of them yet!" The minute he said that, he knew it was a mistake.

"You're... a virgin?"

"..........Yes."

"Well, that changes everything! we need to plan a "special" night together ;)"

"Really?00"

"Yep! But first, you need to give Tails 'The Talk.'"

Sonic gulped. This wouldn't be easy.

Tails was playing with a bottle of glue and a tiny city.

"And the citizens run as the volcano begins it's eruption." Then he gave an exasperated sigh. "This would be SO much cooler if Sally hadn't confiscated my fireworks!"

knock knock knock

"Access Granted." Tails said.

Sonic came in. "Tails." he said, sitting him down on the bed. "We need to talk. about... Where babies come from. Really." Tails was silent. "When the... thing... goes into the... other thing... stuff comes..."

Tails looked confused.

"Okay, I'll demonstrate with your "Garnet" and "Zidane" dolls from FFIX" he made them talk.

"Zidane, I want to have a baby."

"Okay, honeymuffin, lets make one."

What followed next would have Tails traumatized for life

Sonic began making the two dolls do very innappropriate things for mentioning in a PG 13 fic.

"Oh, MAMA! Do you like it when I hold you like this?"

"Yes, YES! I love it, Zidane!"

"Well, I'll do it all night long!"

"YES all night!"

"So sweet! SO PRECIOUS!!!"

"Say my name!"

"I love you, Garnet!"

Then he stopped. "Any Questions?"

Tails slowly pointed to the two dolls. His eyes were the size of dinner plates. "Do you want those dolls? I don't really want 'em any more..."

"Gee, thanks!"

Sonic left the room, satisfied at his efforts.

Tails just sat there. "I think I wanna be castrated now..." he said.


	2. Xiaoran with an X

Chapter 2: Xiaoran with an "X" 

VVD: KO-NA-NA-CHI-WA!! Welcome to chapter two of my story! I should put up a bio of the li'l mystery kitsune in this chapter.

Name: Xiaoran Li (Yes, like in "Cardcaptor Sakura", I'm a BIG fan of that anime!)

Pronounced: Shi-ah-OH-rahn LEE

Appearance: He looks a lot like Tails, (You find out why in a later chapter) except he's shorter, (W/ VERY short limbs) chubbier, (He looks like a furry stuffed animal) with longer fur. His ears except for the white fur inside, hands, and feet w/out his shoes are black. He also has black triangular marks on his cheeks and a diamond-shaped black mark on his forehead. He has seven black spots on his back in the shape of a perfect horseshoe.

Age: Over 6,000 years old (he was in suspended animation for 5,997 years of his life)

Special Ability: Super Jump. Can also fly for moderate distances. STRONG psychic powers (currently dormant).

Talents: He's _LETHAL_ at Dance Dance Revolution. Also has a knack for building motorcycles. Cooks with the skill of Wolfgang Puck.

Quote: "Shikata ga nai" (It can't be helped, It must be done)

Family: Mother (dead) Father (dead) twin sister Xiaoran Ping (unknown, last seen when they were put in suspended animation) 3 other sisters (all died before he was born) 2 brothers (Both stillborn) and his distant cousin by 5,992 years. (He will be revealed later.:)

Personality: Spunky, always happy, energetic and full of life. He is a bit of an idiot.

And also, Sonic's Nephew, Tahoshi "Taho" the Hedgehog

Name: Tahoshi the Hedgehog

Nickname: Taho

Appearance: He looks a lot like Sonic, but his eyes are bigger, he wears a pair of black sunglasses to cover up the fact that he has one blue eye and one green eye. He wears a pair of red rubber boots w/ a white dot on each outer ankle. Has three quills that grow on his forehead the wrong way (like bangs) Often wearing a pair of graffiti-print shorts and a T-shirt with "PH34R M3" written on it.

Age: About 4

Special Ability: Can run ALMOST as fast as his uncle. Also capable of fitting an entire 25 pack of chewing gum in his mouth.

Talents: Good with computers. Can drink nearly lethal doses of caffeine with no effect.

Quote: "PH33R MY PR0W355!!!"

Family: Father (Manic) Mother (Unknown) Uncle (Sonic) Aunt (Sonia)

Personality: Hyperactive, uses L33t in everyday speech, smarter than Xiaoran. Has a soft spot for… Chao?!

Enough with the bios, it's on!

Sonic was getting ready for "The Night" He was trying to figure out what cologne he wanted to wear.

"Let's see… Brut or Obsession… I can't tell, they all smell girly to me!"

While he was deciding, Tails was still coming to grips with the facts of life.

"People actually _DO_ stuff like that? That's disgusting! I am NEVER _EVER_ gonna look at another woman ever again in my life! Maybe I'll become a monk…"

And Sally was deciding what to wear.

"Hmmmmm… I wanna look provocative, but I don't wanna look desperate or like a slut…"

The boy wandered through the undergrowth of the forest on his elbows and knees. He was almost too weak to go on. But his goal pushed him forward despite his deep injuries and fatigue from three days and nights of sleeplessness.

"_He's at New Knothole…"_

_He smiled, thinking of meeting his long lost and only living relative left. The last of a long bloodline of powerful Shamans…_

Tonight would be eventful indeed… 

Tails' ears perked up. He felt something, and it wasn't that nail that poked out of his kitchen chair.

"That's strange… Suddenly I felt like I was in terrible pain…" He said, rubbing his side where he felt it.

He felt scared. The last time he felt pain like that, Sonic had had undetected appendicitis and almost died by the time he actually felt the pain himself.

"Oh, no…"

That's when he realized… THIS person felt far off… A little way out in the forest behind New Knothole, the big house they all lived in.

"Someone's coming…"

"Huh…huh…huh…" 

The child's breathing was coming in heavy sips this time. He knew he was near death. He HAD to find him soon, or he would not be able to train him once his own powers came out of their dormancy.

"_Huh…Huh…Huh"_

_He was surprisingly peaceful, even as his breathing became more and more labored. His chest felt as if his heart were bleeding._

"_Huhh…Huhh…Huhh…"_

_He felt his chest would burst. The end was near._

"Please let me reach him…" 

"Uncle Sonic? Why are you putting cologne on?"

"Um…"

Sonic did not want to tell Taho what he was really getting ready for.

"I have a 'date' with Sally"

"Why did you put 'date' in quotations?"

Sonic balked for a second. He was in pretty deep now.

"Um… I never passed English class in school…"

"Where is the date?"

By now, Sonic was blushing. If you can imagine the shade your skin turns from a steam burn, that's what color he was turning.

"In… her room…"

"What kind of date is that?"

Okay, Sonic was panicking by now. He figured he'd better cut this fish loose. He'd already explained s-x once today, and DID NOT wanna do it again.

"I tell you what. If you go away, stop bothering me, and DON'T COME IN OUR ROOM until 7:00 in the morning, I'll let you play my video games. Except Halo II."

"Why not?"

"That game's NOT for children."

Taho left, and Sonic continued to get ready for the night.

"_HUHH…HUHH…HUHH…"_

The boy was close to death. The Laser Cannon wound in his side was pumping a crimson waterfall along his ribs, down to his belly; soaking the burnt-orange colored fur on his sides, and the very light cream fur on his stomach.

"_Please… I can't die…" He murmured weakly. _

_A strange cloudy cast was starting to fall over his large eyes; eyes that started dark blue at the edges an faded to dark green as you got closer to his pupils, which were dilated to the point he had only a thin ring of iris left._

_He forced himself to his feet, thinking he just might make it if he ran._

"_**HUHH…HUHH…HUHH…**"_

The ground rushed up to him very suddenly.

"Oh, God!"

Tails grabbed his side again, this time he was worried. Something was drawing him to the kitchen window. The fox staggered to the window, looked out and…

"Oh, no! Where's Sonic?"

Forgetting the stabbing pain in his side, he raced off down the hall.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"Ready when you are!"

Sonic was starting to undo Sally's nightgown when…

**BANG!**

"Sonic, we need to… What are you doing?"

They all paused for a long awkward silence. Finally, Tails spoke.

"Never mind that! There's a little kid outside an' he's really badly hurt!"

"What?" Said Sonic, speeding off as fast as he could.

"Wait up!" said Sally, refastening the top six buttons on her nightie.

As they raced down the hall, one thing went through their minds.

"_How did he EVER get past our Laser Cannon defenses?"_

They arrived in the yard, where a pudgy little two-tailed kit with dark fur was lying on his back, soaked in his own vermilion blood.

"Shit, I think the cannons got him! We might not be able to save him…" Sonic grumbled.

Tails was frantic. He was rubbing the little guy's black hand.

"That's not a glove, he really does have black fur on his hands." Tails thought, trying to keep his mind off the fact that the boy was dying.

Sally was wrapping the child's torso tightly with torn shreds of a curtain she had accidentally pulled down in her rush to help him.

"If we can stop the bleeding, maybe we can still save him!"

Tails held the little kit's fuzzy hand, chanting a mantra over and over again in his mind.

"_Please don't die, Please don't die, Please don't die, Please don't die, Please don't die!_"

Suddenly, the boy's eyes opened. He looked like he was blind, his pupils were so huge. His eyes wandered to Tails, and then, almost immediately, his eyes became normal and happy, and he even let out a happy cry, as he used the last of his strength to embrace Tails.

"It's you!" And then he slipped into unconsciousness, still hugging him.

"Huh?"

End Chapter Two.

Sorry it wasn't funny, but Xiaoran's story is NOT a happy one. It will get funny again in the next chapter, I promise.


	3. Hold on a little longer

Chapter 3:

"Hurry up!"

"He's gonna die if we don't do something fast!"

"Come on, he's really hurt!"

"We gotta save 'im!"

People were running all over the house, a sense of urgency hanging over the dormitory-style home that they all lived in. Who was this child? How had he gotten past the armed guards without a permit? Even if he did get past, how could he be alive? He should have been shot into mincemeat, but instead, he just had one, big wound on his side, right in the middle of the ribs on the left side of his fuzzy burnt orange body.

"Where the hell is Brookshire?"

"He had to check on a pneumonia patient."

"Well, drag his butt in here! This kid's gonna die unless we treat him fast!"

"Shit, I think his ribs were shot to hell!"

They all rushed around, looking for bandages and clean sheets. Someone was fetching surgical thread and a sterile sewing needle, as Sonic readied the infirmary for possible blood donors. There was a folding table set up in Brookshire's office. They hadn't even time to get the O.R. table out of the closet they kept it in when it was not in use.

"How ironic!" Sonic thought to himself grimly, "We put that table there for easy access, but now the damn thing is in the worst possible place it could be in an urgent emergency like this one!"

Tails was ready to donate. He didn't know why, but he felt an attachment to the little guy. But… What did he mean, "It's You!"?

"Come on, Tails, Think! How do you know him? He said to himself.

He came up with nothing. Who was this child? He looked a lot like him, but… that didn't mean much…

"Where's the fucking doctor?!" Someone shrieked a light blue Kyuubi with lavender tail tips.

"He'll be along in a minute, Big Sis." Said a baby Kyuubi who only had two of her tails. She was fuchsia, with green tail tips, stomach, and mouth, with a pair of cardinal red slip-ons, a Totoro head ponytail holder in her short ponytail, and a pair of blue-tinted goggles.

"Oh, I hope so… He's so young!" Said a 5-year-old white bat with a long braid that looked a lot like Rouge. "Mommy, what are we gonna do if the li'l guy dies?"

Rouge put her hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"We'll have to bury him, Powder."

Shadow emerged with his son in tow.

"Dad! Shady! Didja hear?"

"Yes, Powderpuff, we heard. It's a kitsune, right?

"Yes, dear." Said Rouge.

"If he dies, can I see the body?" Said the 5-year-old black and red hedgehog next to Shadow.

"SHADY!"

"Sorry, mom."

From amongst the crowd, Brookshire cut through the crowd, carrying his doctor's bag.

"Let me through!" He yelled, bursting through the door of his office, where Sonic was watching over the little kit on the sheet-covered folding table. One look told him all he needed to know.

"We need to test his blood type NOW, he's bleeding to death! If we get a transfusion into him fast enough, we might still be able to save him. go round up every able-bodied, willing kitsune or Kyuubi you can find."

Sonic zoomed off into the hall, calling for the three present vulpines.

"Tails, Kotone, Setsuko! In here, now!"

The three foxes all ran into the office, where three blood test needles attached to empty blood bags were readied

"We need a sample of each of your blood to test your type, this kid's dying!" Sonic explained.

The three sat down, their thoughts surprisingly calm as three needles were inserted into their right arms. The second the bags were full, the needled were depressed and removed, and the bags rushed to the lab for testing. The highly advanced machine printed a readout in five minutes the results?

Blood Type Testing Results 

**Name: Patient**

**Age: 3**

**Blood Type: "O" Negative**

**Hemophiliac?: No**

**HIV/AIDS?: No**

**Hepatitis C?: No**

**Health Problems: Kidney Trouble**

**Name: Nadeshikonohana, Kotone**

**Age: 6**

**Blood Type: "AB" Positive**

**Hemophiliac?: No**

**HIV/AIDS?: No**

**Hepatitis C?: No**

**Health Problems: None**

**Name: Nadeshikonohana, Setsuko**

**Age: 10**

**Blood Type: "B" Negative**

**Hemophiliac?: No**

**HIV/AIDS?: No**

**Hepatitis C?: No**

**Health Problems: Angina Pectoris**

**Name: Prower, Miles**

**Age: 8**

**Blood Type: "O" Negative**

**Hemophiliac?: No**

**HIV/AIDS?: No**

**Hepatitis C?: No**

**Health Problems: None**


End file.
